


I Gave You Everything I Had

by IShipAllTheSpaceGays



Series: Sanders Sides One-Shots [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Bad Light Sides, Bullying, Deceit Sanders Angst, Deceit Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceit Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Deceit Sanders is a Sweetheart, Deceit had to grow up way too fast, Deceit is lonely, Dee is just worried about his son / baby brother, Insults, Lust is a neutral side and his name is Lex, Parent Deceit Sanders, Pining, Remus has a crush, Sad, Sad Ending, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, The light sides actually suck tbh, Unsympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Verbal Abuse, remy is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:35:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23647048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IShipAllTheSpaceGays/pseuds/IShipAllTheSpaceGays
Summary: Damien devoted his existance to taking care of the people he cared about. He really was doing his best, but in the end it just wasn't enough...OrVirgil is leaving because he thinks the Light Sides are better, and Damien is heartbroken.
Relationships: Implied Prinxiety
Series: Sanders Sides One-Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729141
Comments: 11
Kudos: 128





	I Gave You Everything I Had

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings for hurtful insults and mentions of depression, isolation, panic attacks and low self esteem. There's no detail at all, I just wanted to warn just in case. Also quite a bit of yelling/fighting.
> 
> Also - two side notes:  
> 1: Lex is Lust. I guess you could say he's an oc of mine, but a lot of SS fanfictions have Lust as a character (their actual names vary) so idk if that would be technically accurate. Lex is a name I just made up though. Also Lust is a neutral side like Remy, and the two are quite close. I haven't decided how close yet.
> 
> And 2: Sorry if my Remus is pretty out of character. I've never written him before so I don't have any experience.

Virgil had been gone for days. It wasn’t like it was an odd occurrence, he had a room in the light side now, so he rarely came home anymore anyway. That didn’t stop Dee from worrying though. 

“Dee-Dee stop pacing, you’re distracting me from my game!” Remus whined, leaning in closer to his tower of wooden dicks (a new and improved jenga). 

Dee just rolled his eyes and continued to move from one side of the room to the other, stopping to fiddle with something before moving to a new spot to play with something else. “I’m just worried about him. What do you think he’s doing up there? Do you think they’re holding him hostage or something??”

Remus looked up at Damien, raising an eyebrow, “Are you sure that's Dee in there? You’re sounding a hell of a lot like Virgil.” 

Damien just grumbled and continued to pace. A few minutes passed and Remus’s tower was very tall, wobbling and leaning to one side, and he laughed, opening his mouth to comment to Dee how it looked like a big cock made out of a ton of smaller ones, when Virgil sank into the common area. 

“Shit.” was the first thing the younger side said when he saw both Remus and Damien in the room. “I didn’t know you guys would be here.” He hissed, hunching his shoulders and slinking toward his room. 

“We live here, Virgey.” Remus called after him, watching Dee follow him down the hall.

“Yeah and so do you, where have you been? It’s been days!” Dee growls.

Remus fights an internal battle about whether he should follow them or stay here with his dick made of dicks. He opted for following them, as his curiosity had grown and he was feeling chaotic and hungry for drama.

Virgil was rushing around his bedroom, shoving things into a bag he was carrying.

“Why do you even care where I’ve been?! It’s none of your business!” he snapped.

“Because I was worried about you! We hadn’t heard from you for days, you could have been hurt-”

“You’re not my fucking dad!” Virgil screamed, turning toward Damien and stepping closer. “And if you want to know my business that bad, fine. I’m moving into the Light Subconscious.”

Damien stared at him for a moment, eyes wide. From where Remus was standing, it looked like Damien had begun to shake. “They’re dangerous, Virgil! Don’t you understand?! You know what they’ve done to us! They-”

“ **Shut up!!** ” Virgil screamed, his voice doubling. He stepped back once again, gripping his hair tightly. "Shut the fuck up, Damien! You have no fucking Idea who they are! You’re the one who’s dangerous, not them! You kept me away from them!”

“I kept you away from them for a reason, Virgil! You’ve seen how they treat us! How they treat Remus! Hell, they even treat Lex like shit and he’s not even a damn dark side! You’re friends with Remy, right? You should know the shit they put Lex through. You should know that I am not trying to lie to you about this. They are dangerous, mean. They treat everyone who isn't a light side like trash. I just don’t want you to get hurt!”

Virgil scoffed. “I can take care of myself,  _ Deceit _ .” The use of that name was clearly a jab, and it appeared to have worked, because Remus could see Damien flinch. 

That was a low blow, everyone knew that name really got to Dee. It was the source of a lot of his self esteem issues as well as depression. Then again, Virgil didn’t know that part. Dee never wanted him to know in fear that he would cause the already anxious side to worry and stress even more. Damien said nothing in response, which caused a sickening silence to fill the room. Remus knew Virgil wouldn't have been able to last long, and sure enough, he broke the silence. “They like me…” he mumbled.

“What?”

Virgil looked up, locking gazes with Dee, eyes full of fire, “They like me.” he spoke up, “They treat me like I matter. They see me, pay attention to me. Roman even kissed my scars! Told me that I’m beautiful! Patton makes sure I’ve eaten, and Logan checks on me, asks me about my mental health. They don’t pity me, they don’t try to get rid of me by just throwing me into therapy. They understand me! I feel safe with them. I’ve never felt safe before.”

Dee was quiet for a moment before he spoke, “They’re not your family, Virgil.” is all he said. Remus picked up on the tone, it was weak, but a little angry too. Damien had always had a soft spot for Virgil, he loved him like a son, or a baby brother. While he raised both Virgil and Remus from the time they were very young, Virgil always seemed to get the best of Dee. 

“And you are?! You’re not my fucking family, you’re an abusive piece of shit! Family doesn’t lie to each other, Dee. Family actually takes care of each other, loves each other. Love, Damien. Have you heard of it? Of course you haven’t, because all you care about is yourself.”

“I fucking raised you, Virgil! I raised you from the day you appeared and the light sides kicked your ass into the dark! I protected you from the others, I taught you how to care for Thomas, I taught you everything you know!” Dee was getting more and more angry as he spoke, but Remus had his tones memorized, he wasn’t just angry, he was heartbroken. 

Remus could practically hear his heart cracking through the slurred hisses in his voice. 

Dee’s snake traits came out more when he was overly upset. Not many could tell unless he was actually coming apart at the seams with emotion, but Remus knew. Remus knew Dee.

Virgil interrupted Remus’ thoughts with a chilling laugh, “Raised me?! You really think you raised me? Actually- you know what? You’re right, you did raise me. You bossed me around, hid me away in a dark corner of Thomas’ mind, kept me from being safe and happy, lied and manipulated me, and kept me from doing my job! Yeah, now that I think about it that way I realize..” he looked Dee dead in the eye, “It’s all your fucking fault.”

That’s when Remus decided to intervene, “Hey, Virgil-”

“Don’t you fucking dare try to tell me I’m wrong you damn trash rat. You know that I’m right. He fucked you up too. He kept us from learning the truth about the light sides, he kept us isolated. Kept  _ me  _ isolated.” he looked back at Damien, “The only reason you took care of us in the first place is because you were fucking lonely. That’s A+ parenting right there by the way, pops. Lying to and isolating your “kids” just because you were too scared to be alone. Patton was right, you are pathetic.”

“Hey!” Dee lashed out, stepping forward but making no move to reach for Virgil in any way. He knew that would trigger a panic attack and that was the last thing he wanted to do. “I tried my best!” he cried, half angry, half on the verge of tears. Dee never cried unless it came to Virgil. He did cry once or twice for Remus, but Virgil made him cry a lot when they were young because he didn’t know how to help him feel better a lot of the time. “I was twelve years old when you appeared, Virgil! Twelve fucking years old! Eight when Remus and Roman split! I did my best to raise you with the knowledge and resources that I had!”

There was a short silence, and Virgil turned away, picking at his frayed hoodie sleeve, “Well you did a shitty job.” he mumbled, loud enough for both Damien and Remus to hear. 

Another silence, all that could be heard was Virgil and Dee’s heavy breathing. Then, “Fine then.. You want to leave, leave. You think this place is so bad? You think I’m so abusive and toxic, then get yourself out of the situation. I’m not stopping you, no one is. I never wanted to keep you from being happy. I gave you all I had, Virgil. There’s not much left, I don’t know what you want from me.” He sounded so broken, tired. Remus’ chest hurt.

“I want you to leave me the hell alone.” Virgil snapped. “I’m not a dark side anymore.”

Dee nodded, taking a shaky breath, “Okay.”

Virgil began to sink out, but before he could leave fully, Deceit stepped toward him, “Virgil wait,”

“What do you want?”

“I-” his voice broke, and he turned his head a bit, making it blatantly obvious to Remus that he was crying. “I love you, Virgil. I hope that they really do make you feel as happy and safe as you say.”

Virgil’s expression seemed to soften a bit at that, but as soon as the angry and disgusted expression had vanished, it was back. “You really can’t stop lying for one second, can you?”

And with that, he was gone.

Once again, for what seemed like the millionth time that night, the room was silent. Damien didn’t move, he was frozen in place, his back facing Remus who stood in the doorway.

“Dee…”

“Well, that was fun.” Damien spoke up, his voice suddenly normal, despite how the statement dripped with sarcasm. He turned around to face roman, smiling at him with such a sly, almost happy smile that would probably have fooled everyone. Everyone except Remus. Ever since they were little, Remus had been fascinated by Damien. Every move he made was so graceful and flawless. His lies spilled from his lips like honey, his eyes hard and dark. Deceitful. He was truly beautiful, to Remus anyway. The creative side had made a habit of studying everything Damien. Everything from how to see behind his lies, to his foot size (which was very very important in Remus’ opinion. He was a firm believer in what they say about what foot size can tell you about a man…). He’d gotten pretty good at it too - identifying when Dee was lying. And this was undoubtedly one of those times. “Wanna go play dick jenga with me?” Dee suggested, acting as if someone he loved with everything he had didn’t just tear out his heart and feed it to the dragonwitch. 

“Damien…” Remus sighed, giving the older side a serious look. A knowing look. 

It took a few moments of Remus’ look before Dee finally gave up the lie. He lifted his head to meet Remus’ eyes, his own filling with tears. Suddenly, his legs gave out on him and Remus rushed to catch him. He did, but Deceit was a bit bigger than him, so he lost his balance too and they both ended up on the floor. Before Remus could say anything, Dee was clinging to him, crying into his shoulder and muttering weak apologies.

“I’m sorry...I’m so fucking sorry, Remus..”

Remus’ chest hurt again. He hugged Dee close to his chest, his arms wrapped around him fully. He seemed so small then… “Hey, there’s nothing to apologize for, Dee-Dee.” Remus said, his voice as soft as it could go. “This isn’t your fault, you tried your best.”

Deceit just shook his head, “N-No...no I- he’s right… it’s all my fault..i'm so selfish…”

The younger side scoffed, “Selfish?! Oh please, Damien. You don’t have a selfish bone in your whole damn body.” 

“B-But I-”

“No. You’re not going to sit here and tell me you’re nothing but selfish when I wouldn’t fucking be alive if it weren’t for you.” Damien didn’t respond. Remus continued, “There were multiple occasions where other sides tried to get me to fade. Tried to erase me themselves. No one wanted me. When I split with Roman I was beaten and thrown into the dark subconscious all alone. I would have gotten lost in Thomas’ memories if it weren’t for you. Virgil would have too. You gave us all that you had, Dee. We needed help and guidance and you gave that to us. You were just a baby yourself, taking care of two other babies. If that’s fair I don’t know what’s not. Damien you are so strong. If none of that was good enough for Virgil, he doesn’t deserve you anyway.”

Dee just cried more into Remus’ neck. “He was right though…”

“Damien I fucking swear to gay jesus-”

“No…” Damien interrupted, “He was right...about the part where I’m scared to be alone…” he squeezed Remus a little tighter. “I...It really h-hurts, Rem...I’m so scared…”

“Oh…” Remus had never heard Damien talk like this before. It was clear that he was scared and in pain, but for him to actually admit that… Remus held Damien tighter, “Well...I’m not going anywhere, Dee-Dee.”

“Please...Please don’t…”

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this in like an hour lol. I know it sucks, I'm sorry. I just needed to get it out of my system.
> 
> Question:  
> I've started to notice other Fanders who write Deceit write him talking like this "I'm not offended" but like the "not" is crossed out or something weird- basically he means the opposite of what he says. Do you guys like that writing style for Dee? Personally I'm not super fond of it, but maybe that's more accurate to his character? Idk. Your thoughts?


End file.
